XLVII - I will get by. I will survive.
So, I am getting down to it... only 2 more treatments to go. As usual I was up early and preparing my port to help make the needle experience slightly less painful. And as most days the two hours I was up early did me no good - I still was running around trying to get kids ready for school and me out the door. The chaos to get my son on the school bus (which comes extremely early) and my daughter to the neighbors for a ride would make any "non-sick" person crazy... much less me!!
What? Only 2 more to go!!!
Since it was my middle chemo visit there was no meeting with any doctor or nurse practitioner. My friend and I went quickly through the blood work section of the cancer center and then were shuffled back to the treatment area. It was one of those days that moved perfectly. The blood work was processed quickly and chemo started early. In fact, we were shocked at how soon we were finished. It must have been the extra doughnuts we brought the nurses!!!
Not that we were complaining getting out of there early only causes one issue - where to go for lunch so early?!?!
After eating and having amazing conversation I had to head home to take a picture for an article about different perspectives about breast cancer. I was lucky enough to be part of it, even if it was mostly information I had from this crazy blog!!! My friend had found a new hat, crocheted and donated to us baldies, at the cancer center. So, I opted to wear that...
If interested, read the article here.
Oh yeah, I didn't sugar coat my picture with make-up or fixing myself up to look any different than I do on a treatment day. That image was all natural - good, bad, or ugly - it was me! The main drawback to the picture was it was taken right when side effects were kicking in. There was no avoiding that, as they usually start soon after I get home from chemo/lunch. The swelling and misery had begun, but I got a few snaps in before the redness from pain started. Side effects were still kicking my booty!!! They had only multiplied as treatment continued... I think I have said that a billion times now.
My hands and feet were getting more neuropathy. In addition, it looked as if blood had gotten caught behind my fingernails. And it was painful to use every one of those fingers. Typing these blogs hurt like I cannot even describe. But, in the end what am I to do, not continue on? not to fight through it? From head to toe I have issues, but it wasn't going to stop me from continuing on. I am a fighter!!!
And with that, no matter how bad I felt, I had to get myself back up and at it on Friday, it was my daughter's school Halloween event. There was no way I was not going to go (even if my mother thinks I am crazy for dragging my cancerous self out to an event with tons of kids and when I feel so icky)! She was so looking forward to the Boo Bash - that we headed out the door forgetting our jackets and cash to get into the event... seriously!!!
My little peacock!
Even though I was exhausted from the night before, I had promised at least a dozen times to go to one of those indoor adventure centers, so I finally did. I had to fit in in before my last treatment and shot, when I knew I would be unable to walk or move for a longer period of time. Saturday we finally got a chance to go, even if I spent most of the time on a bench leaning against the wall, we went. She of course had a blast and I enjoyed watching her... well at least until my back gave out from sitting on the wood bench too long!!!
Adventuring at Up a Creek...
In my head...
I would like to say that the chemo process has gotten easier, but it really has not. Each treatment creates its own new outcomes and I am glad I am close to the end. Even though I am pushing through, it becomes more grueling to do some of these activities that normally I not only enjoy but participate more in.
I think that just being there is enough for every one right now, but it still bothers me that the simplest things are so exhausting. Some days just basic care for myself can wear me out, much less the care of all of those around me. However, I still seem to find away to do those things too. Well, minus some house keeping (vacuuming and dishes are just too much work)!
Trust me, I am not always sure how I do it all. Often a soft voice in my head will say "you cannot do this", but then I end up doing it and think "you can do things that you often don't think you can". It is amazing what you can do when you just do it!!!
“What one does is what counts. Not what one had the intention of doing.”
- Pablo Picasso
Episode Reference: Touch of Grey, Grateful Dead song
"Every silver lining's got a touch of grey...
Oh, well, a touch of gray, kinda suits you anyway..."